Happy Valentine's Day! (Two Months and Counting)

I realized yesterday that it has been two months since I was hospitalized. I still don't feel truly well, and long for the day that I will. For the last week or so I have been reading a daily digest compiled of e-mail from others with Factor V, and I'm thinking that I might stop. For every person who is doing well with treatment it seems there are two others who have had horrible reactions to the blood thinners such as hyper-coagulation and skin necrosis. I realize that this is the nature of such lists: those who are feeling well are out there living their lives, not in search of answers on the web.

I had a CT scan a week and a half ago, and it showed that I still have clots in my lungs, though they're much smaller than they were, and "are thought to be going away" according to my Dr. I was hoping that they were already gone. After all, the clot in my calf had dissolved in a couple weeks. I guess that two months is a tribute to how large the emboli in my lungs really were.

In regards to living one's life-- I'm not sure if it's because of being off birth control or what have you, but I am having an especially weepy and melancholy PMS episode this month. It's no fun at all. I'm also struggling to stay motivated in school even though I have a lighter load this semester. At least I'm feeling somewhat well, attending classes, working two (very) part time jobs, and trying to keep my paranoia in check. I was a healthy, marathon-running person before all this happened, and I will be again.